By Robert R. Berman B.C.L; LL.B, Principal, Berman Barristers
The best and cheapest outcome is always a negotiation reflected in a Separation Agreement followed by a Simple Uncontested Divorce Application. You don’t want a Judge deciding issues for you regarding your children or your finances. And, your best chance for agreement is knowing how to effectively negotiate with your spouse.
Be prepared for reasonable compromise. If you insist upon standing on principle, be prepared to pay your Ontario divorce lawyer for it.
Take note of these 8 Mistakes to Avoid When Divorce Negotiating:
Thinking logic will prevail. Negotiating is about human behaviour. You need to be able to navigate through both your emotions and your spouse’s.
Taking a “No” personally. When you your spouse says “No” to your proposal, don’t take it as a personal rejection. Look at it as an invitation to keep talking.
Withholding information. Give your spouse all the information and documents needed to prepare for your negotiations. You want your meeting to be of value and without proper information your spouse will not be able to make a decision.
Talking too much. You should be doing the asking, not the answering. Ask your spouse open-ended questions to identify their concerns. The 5 W’s (Who, What, Where, When and Why) are the type of questions that work best. The more you learn about your spouse’s concerns, the better you will be able to address them during your negotiation.
Not having a goal. You’ve heard this before. If you don’t know where you’re going, how are you going to get there? You also better know why you’re going to wherever you’re going. If you’re going to the grocery store and your goal is to get food, then you’re going to the right place.
If you’re going to the bank and you want food, you better re-examine the “where” or the “why” otherwise you’re going to be one hungry individual. Have a goal and a reason for the goal before you start negotiating.
Needing to remain friends. You’re getting divorced. What you want is a fair deal that accomplishes your goal. That may or may not result in you remaining friends. Neediness translates into needless compromise and that will cost you.
Letting your emotions get the better of you. Keep your emotions in check. They cloud your ability to think clearly and give the advantage to your spouse during the negotiations and likely will bring discussions to an early end.
Not dealing with obstacles to agreement. Once you determine your goal for the negotiations, think of the objections that your spouse could have to your proposal and how they can be answered. During the negotiations, deal with these obstacles openly. You want your deal to stick after the negotiations are over so anticipate the objections and deal with them upfront.
Once you have your agreement in principle, then you can create your uncontested divorce forms. You can create Ontario uncontested divorce forms online, without using a lawyer. You can also create your Ontario separation agreement online. If you think you may need a lawyer, it doesn’t hurt to have a consultation with one. You can also obtain a legal consultation online. For more information about how to negotiate an uncontested divorce with your spouse and create your uncontested divorce forms without hiring a lawyer please visit www.MyOntarioDivorce.com or www.BermanBarristers.com.